THE TALE OF FIRE-BABY: ARE YOU HOLDING YOURSELF BACK?
Fire baby, 2020. Acrylic and oil paint on 12x12” wood panel.
THE TALE OF FIRE-BABY: ARE YOU HOLDING YOURSELF BACK?
Fire-baby had never known winter. All his life, he’d had the luxury of draping himself in flames, and was often heard boasting around town about how he had tamed the wild beast of fire.
He was the type to speak loudly, dressing up his emptiness as righteous beliefs.
“I love being on fire...” he muttered to himself, “It’s warm, plus I’ve never liked the cold. It’s boring!”
I think Fire-baby really did believe he was the one in control. He had never considered himself an arsonist, despite how almost everything he touches turns to ashes. His flames, having a mind of their own, sometimes shot like bullets and burned like devils through the lives of anyone they met.
More and more frequently, Fire-baby would spend all his time alone. Partly due to the catastrophic nature of fire, but also partly because other people found him too hot to be around, and they’d rather not get burned.
Fire-baby didn’t realise it then, but he was going to be forced to make a choice… between the comfort of chaos, or something entirely new to him: not being on fire anymore.
WHY IS THAT BABY ON FIRE?
Whenever I paint a baby, I am really painting an adult who is holding themself back in some way. Fire baby was inspired by my own personal difficulty controlling my anger.
Check this out, I learned about the anger iceberg a couple years ago:
Taken from the Gottman Institute
I don’t know about you, but to be honest… it kind of blew my mind.
I had only ever really known two states of being growing up: happy or angry. I wasn’t aware of all these other ways of feeling, or at least I wasn’t able to recognise and label them. They all kinda felt like anger.
On days where presumably I was feeling sad, I would just curl up inside a song that “allowed” me to feel sad. I realise now with the clarity of hindsight that I had always used music and films this way. As a crutch for feeling feelings, because I kinda didn’t really know how to.
The scary part about not recognising your own emotions, or not allowing them, is that left untreated they start to control you subconsciously.
A coping mechanism is an amazing tool for allowing you to get through a difficult time in your life… but eventually can become like a prison.
“All problems are psychological, but all solutions are spiritual.”
–Peter Levine
Whatever remains unresolved is doomed to be passed down to the next generation. It is my honest intention to transform this fire of mine into something more balanced. To use it to propel myself forward instead of holding myself back.
I believe it is my duty as an artist to turn trauma into something beautiful, and I sincerely believe that this is my irrefutable, unquestionable purpose for creating art. I believe also, for the most part, that this is the intention and purpose of “dark art”.
"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate"
–CG Jung
I PAINT MY INNER CHILD
I paint my inner child to try and heal really old wounds - many passed on to me through generational trauma (or as Duncan Trussell calls them: curses) and many obtained through my own life’s journey.
I love and often use the mantra of Maria Bamford: “Do the work!”
I declare with open honesty that I fully intend to have more patience for myself and for others. To stop being embarrassed by my emotions, to cease the self sabotage. Most of all, to recognise, honour and strive to achieve my highest potential, and I hope to inspire that in those around me.
“The key is to become aware of what holds you back, and be constantly curious of it”
–Gabor Maté.
What were you taught to believe about yourself that you still believe? How can you recognise what you are still carrying around with you - from a previous or present generation - and how can you learn to let go or heal it? What is holding you back? Would you even recognise it if you saw it?
I’d love to hear your self explorations, send me message or leave a comment. I love to hear what makes people tick, and I think stirring up these feelings has great healing power.
“It’s all in your head” 2020 oil on canvas. Prints here.